How to Reclaim Sex After Rape

Rape is bad enough, but many survivors suffer a second misery. “What if sex is ruined for me? What if my rapist has made it impossible for me to be close to someone? What if I can never have a happy relationship again?” I worked for years as a licensed psychotherapist and treated hundreds of […]

If you struggle with your child, do this

A tremendous number of childhood behavioral issues stem from feeling disconnected. Many parents who work or have multiple children don’t realize their children are not getting enough one-on-one time. To fix this, I present the 10-Minute Change method. The goal of this exercise is to heal that connection and improve behavior by spending intentional individual […]

Time to Fix a Problem

Christian fiction has a problem. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m a Christian. Because of that, I like to read Christian fiction. But most of it sucks. People scoff at this genre. And for good reason. The cliché is that Christian fiction preaches to the choir and tries to convert […]

How to have WAY MORE SEX in your marriage

Most men have absolutely no idea how to talk to their wife. Their wife says, “Talk to me!” and he answers, “What am I supposed to say?” Women develop emotional intimacy through talking. Men don’t know how to do this, because men communicate to solve problems. No problem, no communication. For women, it’s reversed: No […]

Women are Birds, Men are Warthogs: Why Sex Differences Matter in Marriage

In all my years as a Licensed Marriage Therapist, one issue derailed otherwise healthy couples more than any other. You probably think I’m going to say communication issues, right? Well, sort of. Communication ties into a deeper problem, which is this: Most wives have no idea how men think, what they want, and how to […]

How to Destroy Your Marriage

Most marriage advice is about boring stuff like how to get along better, share your needs, enjoy your spouse, and build a partnership that will last a lifetime. Yuck. What if you want to take things in the other direction? It could be that misery is your fetish. Or maybe you just don’t get enough […]

Focus on This to Win

Stop drifting without purpose. Gunshot wounds. Overdoses. Hangings. When they survived, my job began. As a licensed psychotherapist, I treated a thousand cases of suicidal depression. Many clients were driven over straight from the hospital after medical personnel rescued them from suicide attempts. It was my job to help them avoid a second attempt. Most of them […]

Why Insecurity Kills Relationships

As a licensed psychotherapist, I’ve treated hundreds of individuals, couples, and families. By far the most foundational issue I’ve helped people face is damaged attachment. The core of the human experience lies in connecting with others. We’re social animals. It’s what we do. And we need to feel securely connected. We want to know people […]

The Christian View of Transactional Relationships

Balancing forgiveness with accountability is challenging for many Christians. The same goes for getting our needs met by others. Most of us feel we need to emulate the stories of saints and martyr ourselves without asking anything in exchange for our time, services, and hard work. But healthy and explicit transactions are part and parcel […]

Solve Writer’s Block in One Step

I haven’t had writer’s block in years. Oh, I used to. I’d agonize over getting scenes just perfect. I’d be halfway through a chapter and BLAM: stuck for a month. I’d pull out my hair and gnash my teeth, swear, drink, stomp my feet, punch my couch. Nothing helped. “Why won’t you rotten little bastards […]