Men Are Loneliest in Marriage: The Real Reason It Happens | Jeff St. James & Adam Lane Smith
Table of Contents Most of the women who come to me love men. That is
Transform Your Relationships
Transform Your Life
My mission is to help 1 billion people build a life of love, trust, and connection by unlocking the power of secure attachment.
Transform Your Relationships
Transform Your Life
My mission is to help 1 billion people build a life of love, trust, and connection by unlocking the power of secure attachment.
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About Adam
Formerly a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist, Adam Lane Smith, MA Psych., has spent 15 years revolutionizing attachment science. A loving husband and devoted father of five, Adam deeply understands the importance of secure attachment in family life.
From regular people to Fortune 500 executives, Adam’s rapid attachment transformation methodologies have helped thousands of people build secure, loving relationships. Seeing the need to continue this work at scale, he has chosen to leave his clinical practice in 2021 to start teaching attachment publicly. Now he is on a mission to turn 1 billion people’s attachment secure. Adam runs a digital coaching practice, leads a growing team of certified specialists, offers hundreds of hours of free online educational content, and hosts a top relationship podcast.
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Leading the Secure Attachment Revolution
Hundreds of interviews. Two books. 7,500+ relationships transformed. What started in a therapy office has become a movement of 600,000+ people changing how the world connects.
My philosophy is that every relationship has a chance, and that every human is deserving of secure, genuine love.
I believe that repairing the way we learn to give and receive love is the best way to overcome the fear, lovelessness, and loneliness epidemic that is destroying relationships.
Notable Endorsements
Adam has an Attachment Bootcamp video course that is so profoundly impactful. If you want to become a better person, a better husband, a better father, a better mother, a better wife, a better partner, a better friend, and if you want to attract those people in your life you need to check out this video course.
The expert himself, Adam Lane Smith, the Attachment Specialist. Adam shares valuable insights on how attachment styles impact your mental, emotional, and physical health.
Adam is masterful at giving us an understanding of why we attach the way we do, what is the sort of foundational pathology of our attachment style, and that we can change it. He really has a beautiful lens on avoidantly attached people.
Adam wrote one of the best threads on Twitter which I've seen this year, our first episode on this ended up being one of my favourite episodes of the year so here we go again with some more uncomfortable psychology insights.
It’s incredible to hear somebody speak who’s so steeped in the research, but also as wonderful of a communicator as you are.
I think you might have the secret missing source for so many people struggling with pornography addiction. I think it is going to bring so much revelation into people's lives.Thank you for pioneering this new concept.
Adam is an expert in attachment theory, psychology, and relationships.
This is definitely one of those interviews I'm going to have to relisten to like three times because of the amount of information you shared and I love that.
You're helping vast numbers of people on account of your own experience, and having looked at a lot of your work, I think there’s some real value there for sure.
We tried Adam Lane Smith's “Marriage Check-In”, and Loved it!! Dealing with criticisms in marriage is not easy, but Adam Lane Smith provides a solution to that problem.
(Adam Lane) Smith’s words are particularly troubling because the rate of male depression is now rising so dramatically. "A one-size-fits-all approach is…[not] going to turn the tide against the suicide epidemic, the drug epidemic, or any other mental-health-based issue currently growing worse,” Smith explains. Because to truly address male suffering, we must first accept the idea that a man’s pain often looks nothing like its female counterpart.
What you're doing is powerful - I've taken some of your advice and implemented it for the betterment of my life from a friendship perspective, a business perspective, and also a romantic perspective.
I cannot recommend him enough his extremely straightforward books “Slaying Your Fear” as a jumping off place to understanding his ideas and this conversation was particularly meaningful for me as we touch on topics that have had a big impact on me, including many that I still struggle with.
By showing his clients how to repair their attachment wounds, Adam teaches people to open up to others, find their voice, receive the love they’ve always wanted, and live without fear.
Meet Adam’s Coaching Team
Handpicked and certified by Adam, our team specializes in transforming relationships through secure attachment. With expertise in clinical and coaching practices, we’re here to make your journey to secure, lasting connections effective and transformative.
Lukas Zarkadas
Client Success Manager
As a Client Success Manager, Lukas has a deep passion for helping our clients overcome attachment obstacles and building the future of their dreams. With over 400 successful cases under his belt, he will be with you every step of the way, ensuring that you are progressing confidently through your journey towards secure attachment.
Alyssa Mullen
Certified Attachment Coach
Alyssa, MA Psych, has an extensive background in psychology that is supported by years of research and field experience in psychotherapy. Bringing together a deep knowledge of attachment theory, neurobiology, family systems and trauma work, she is able to craft solutions to resolve relationship obstacles and help her clients attain a future filled with meaningful relationships and secure love
Linda Bakely
Certified Attachment Coach
Linda Bakely, a certified attachment coach has over 15 years of clinical experience as a licensed trauma therapist. She integrates evidence-based modalities like EMDR, TF-CBT, and DBT to help clients transform negative core beliefs and create meaningful connections, guiding them toward safety, stability, and purpose.
Lisa Chan
Certified Attachment Coach
Lisa Chan is a Certified Attachment Coach with over a decade of experience supporting families through complex dynamics, including blended families and children with special needs. Her unique approach combines expertise in child development and nervous system regulation with targeted support for parents navigating their own attachment wounds, creating lasting transformation in the home.
Irina Shinina
Certified Attachment Coach
Irina Shinina is a Certified Attachment Coach specializing in helping individuals, couples, and families heal attachment wounds and transform relationships. With extensive training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, and Attachment Theory, she provides practical skills and guidance to build secure connections, effective communication, and fulfilling relationships.
Jeremy Clevenger
Certified Attachment Coach
Jeremy, an expert coach with almost a decade of experience, offers a uniquely holistic approach to rebuilding attachment. Bringing together attachment theory, health science and personal motivation, he offers a transformative solution to both relationship and personal challenges through practical skill-building, compassion and mentorship.
Relationship
Mastery Intensive
2026
SanDiego, California
April 23-27
Meet My Coaching Team
Handpicked and certified by Adam, our team specializes in transforming relationships through secure attachment. With expertise in clinical and coaching practices, we’re here to make your journey to secure, lasting connections effective and transformative.
Alyssa Mullen
Certified Attachment Coach
Alyssa Mullen, MA Psych, is a Senior Attachment Coach with an extensive background in psychology, attachment theory, neurobiology, family systems, and trauma work. She specializes in securely attached masculine and feminine dynamics, disorganized attachment, and nervous system regulation, helping men and women understand how to truly support one another. Her work gives you the tools to understand your own patterns, communicate more securely, and build more stable, grounded relationships.
Jeremy Clevenger
Certified Attachment Coach
Jeremy, a Certified Attachment Coach with almost a decade of experience, offers a uniquely holistic approach to rebuilding attachment. Bringing together attachment theory, health science and personal motivation, he offers a transformative solution to both relationship and personal challenges through practical skill-building, compassion and mentorship.
Lisa Chan
Certified Attachment Coach
Lisa Chan is a Certified Attachment Coach with over a decade of experience working with families navigating complex dynamics, including blended families, high-conflict situations, and children with autism, ADHD, and sensory processing challenges. She works with both sides of what’s happening at home, helping you understand your child’s specific needs while also recognizing how your own responses show up in the hardest parenting moments. Her work focuses on creating a calmer, more connected home.
Irina Shinina
Certified Attachment Coach
Irina Shinina is a Certified Attachment Coach who works with individuals, couples, and families to transform their relationships. With training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and Attachment Theory, she focuses on practical skills to help you communicate your needs, rebuild trust, and create more secure connections. She brings personal experience to the work too, having navigated divorce, blended family dynamics, immigration, and childhood trauma herself. Irina provides coaching in English and Russian.
Crysthian Medina
Certified Attachment Coach
Crysthian Medina is a Certified Attachment Coach with over 20 years of corporate and executive leadership experience, bringing a grounded, practical perspective to attachment work. He bridges neuroscience and real-world skill-building to help you understand how your brain shapes your behavior, spot reactive patterns, and build more secure, mindful responses across every relationship in your life. Crysthian provides coaching in English and Spanish.
Colin Safranek
Certified Attachment Coach
Colin Safranek is a Certified Attachment Coach and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner who focuses on the place most approaches miss: the nervous system. With over a decade of coaching experience and formal training in somatic therapy, Colin specializes in the difference between understanding your pattern and changing it, and the embodied work that makes that change possible. Warm, grounded, and practical, he brings Adam Lane Smith’s attachment framework to life in a way that feels less like analysis and more like real change.
Aseel El-Baba
Certified Attachment Coach
Aseel El-Baba is a Certified Attachment Coach, financial therapist and former financial planner who helps people build secure relationships within their closest family and professional circles. She combines finance, psychotherapy, and attachment theory to get at the attachment patterns driving relationship and financial behaviors, and works with individuals and couples to build lasting security. She also teaches internationally on financial trauma, attachment, and generational wealth.
Meet My Coaching Team
Handpicked and certified by Adam, our team specializes in transforming relationships through secure attachment. With expertise in clinical and coaching practices, we’re here to make your journey to secure, lasting connections effective and transformative.
Alyssa Mullen
Certified Attachment Coach
Alyssa, MA Psych, a Certified Attachment Coach has an extensive background in psychology that is supported by years of research and field experience in psychotherapy. Bringing together a deep knowledge of attachment theory, neurobiology, family systems and trauma work, she is able to craft solutions to resolve relationship obstacles and help her clients attain a future filled with meaningful relationships and secure love.
Jeremy Clevenger
Certified Attachment Coach
Jeremy, a Certified Attachment Coach with almost a decade of experience, offers a uniquely holistic approach to rebuilding attachment. Bringing together attachment theory, health science and personal motivation, he offers a transformative solution to both relationship and personal challenges through practical skill-building, compassion and mentorship.
Lisa Chan
Certified Attachment Coach
Lisa Chan is a Certified Attachment Coach with over a decade of experience supporting families through complex dynamics, including blended families and children with special needs. Her unique approach combines expertise in child development and nervous system regulation with targeted support for parents navigating their own attachment wounds, creating lasting transformation in the home.
Irina Shinina
Certified Attachment Coach
Irina Shinina is a Certified Attachment Coach specializing in helping individuals, couples, and families heal attachment wounds and transform relationships. With extensive training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, and Attachment Theory, she provides practical skills and guidance to build secure connections, effective communication, and fulfilling relationships
Linda Bakely
Certified Attachment Coach
Linda Bakely, a Certified Attachment Coach has over 15 years of clinical experience as a licensed trauma therapist. She integrates evidence-based modalities like EMDR, TF-CBT, and DBT to help clients transform negative core beliefs and create meaningful connections, guiding them toward safety, stability, and purpose.
Client Success Team
Our Attachment Specialists help you find the coaching or courses that match your relationship goals. They’ll understand your specific situation, recommend the right path, and help you take the first step toward building the secure, loving relationships you want.
Lukas Zarkadas
Sr. Attachment Strategist
As the head of the Client Success Team, Lukas is deeply familiar with Adam’s coaching system. Known for his calm confidence and direct communication, he brings structure to what can feel uncertain at first. With years of experience helping individuals understand how the process works, he’s skilled at recognizing patterns quickly and explaining complex ideas in clear, practical terms. Lukas believes that growth starts with clarity; and that every conversation should leave a person feeling more grounded than when it began.
Alexa DeStefano
Attachment Strategist
Alexa blends warmth with precision. Her background in leadership and the performing arts gives her a rare ability to read emotion and communicate with balance; empathetic but steady, kind but direct. She ensures every interaction feels clear, organized, and human. For Alexa, attachment isn’t just about relationships; it’s about learning how to show up consistently in every area of life. Her goal is to make the process feel approachable, structured, and deeply personal.
Mathieu Hutin
Attachment Strategist
Mathieu is analytical by nature and calm by design. Before joining the team, he worked in finance, where systems and results ruled everything. That background shaped his belief that emotion can be understood just as clearly when you know what to look for. He approaches each interaction like a pattern to decode; asking the right questions, identifying the logic beneath behavior, and helping people see what drives their reactions. For Mathieu, attachment is a discipline: a reliable process for building stability that lasts.
Elise Kartalian
Attachment Strategist
Elise brings a grounded, reassuring presence to every interaction. Her background in education and healthcare taught her how to listen with precision and guide with patience. She has a quiet strength that helps people slow down, find their footing, and feel oriented in new territory. Her communication is clear and measured, her follow-through consistent. To Elise, attachment isn’t just about connection; it’s about learning to feel safe enough to grow, again and again.
Attachment Resources
Mastering secure attachment doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Explore our range of free and paid
resources to help you break harmful patterns, fix your attachment, and attain secure, lasting love.
Free Attachment Quiz
Take this free online attachment quiz to identify your attachment style and how it impacts your relationships in 5 minutes or less. Then, see which of our resources will work best for you.
Attachment Coaching
Work one-on-one with Adam or one of his certified Attachment Coaches to build a fully customized solution to your attachment challenges. Transform your relationships and secure your attachment in as little as 6 weeks!
Secure Circle + Community
Get access to our top attachment courses, exclusive weekly master classes and practicums, live streams and more inside the Secure Circle + Community.
Free Newsletter
Subscribe for direct emails from me, filled with inspiring stories, exclusive discounts, and valuable insights that go beyond just updates. It’s about creating a real connection.
Free Youtube Video Library
With over 1,000 videos and over 250k subscribers, my YouTube channel is one of the largest free libraries of attachment resources! Join our community of attachment enthusiasts and learn how to transform your life today!
Attachment Blog
Looking for more free insights on attachment? Check out my blog, where I regularly share articles, news and additional resources designed to help you learn about attachment and become secure.
Join Our Free newsletter
Join over 45,000 subscribers and get the latest insights on healing attachment wounds and creating secure, lasting connections straight to your inbox. Filled with practical advice, personal stories and exclusive offers, Adam’s newsletter is your key to building healthier, happier relationships.
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