Men Are Loneliest in Marriage: The Real Reason It Happens | Jeff St. James & Adam Lane Smith
Table of Contents Most of the women who come to me love men. That is
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Attachment is a broad psychological term that defines the psychological, physiological, and neurological mechanisms through which humans bond within their social circles. In simple terms, it’s the way through which we give and receive love, and build intimate relationships with romantic partners, family, friends, and co-workers.
Attachment patterns are formed in early childhood and define our understanding of “healthy” vs “unhealthy” relationship behaviors. Learning how to understand, repair and improve them brings the ability to maximize the feelings of human connection and personal fulfillment.
Secure attachment is present in only 25% of the population of the developed world, and has been declining steadily. It is defined as one’s ability to form loving, lifelong bonds, to give and receive unconditional love, express needs openly and confidently, and experience profound personal connections while showing up openly and vulnerably. It is the social and neurological mechanism that allows humans to experience joy, fulfillment and safety in relationships.
If you feel any of these components are missing, take the free Attachment Assessment to learn more.
Attachment is a broad psychological term that defines the psychological, physiological, and neurological mechanisms through which humans bond within their social circles. In simple terms, it’s the way through which we give and receive love, and build intimate relationships with romantic partners, family, friends, and co-workers.
Attachment patterns are formed in early childhood and define our understanding of “healthy” vs “unhealthy” relationship behaviors. Learning how to understand, repair and improve them brings the ability to maximize the feelings of human connection and personal fulfillment.
Secure attachment is present in only 25% of the population of the developed world, and has been declining steadily. It is defined as one’s ability to form loving, lifelong bonds, to give and receive unconditional love, express needs openly and confidently, and experience profound personal connections while showing up openly and vulnerably. It is the social and neurological mechanism that allows humans to experience joy, fulfillment and safety in relationships.
If you feel any of these components are missing, take the free Attachment Assessment to learn more.
An estimated 75% of adults in developed countries are living with attachment trauma.
If you’re experiencing any of the following, broken attachment may be the cause:
An estimated 75% of adults in developed countries are living with attachment trauma.
If you’re experiencing any of the following, broken attachment may be the cause:
An estimated 75% of adults in developed countries are living with attachment trauma.
If you’re experiencing any of the following, broken attachment may be the cause:
An estimated 65% of adults in developed countries are living with attachment trauma.
If you’re experiencing any of the following, broken attachment may be the cause:
Living with the persistent thought that others might leave or reject you is emotionally exhausting. It creates a constant feeling of instability, making it hard to relax or feel safe in any relationship. Early experiences with unreliable caregivers teach us to expect the worst. We learn to settle for less, while always waiting for disaster to hit.
The pain of multiple breakups or divorces can feel overwhelming, leaving you questioning what went wrong each time. The cycle of starting over can create a sense of hopelessness and self-doubt. When you didn't see stable relationships growing up, you never learned how to build them. This creates a painful cycle of loss that feels impossible to break.
Feeling unable to find or commit to a lasting relationship brings frustration and a lingering fear that true connection may be out of reach. It can make the future seem both uncertain and lonely. Attachment challenges make it hard to believe in lasting love. You either expect people to leave, or you struggle to stay engaged when things get real.
Experiencing chronic loneliness, even in the presence of others, is a heartbreaking reality. This constant sense of disconnection can make you feel invisible and misunderstood. When every interaction feels like a performance, true connection becomes impossible. The mask that protects you also keeps you isolated – even from those closest to you.
When conflicts in your closest relationships feel insurmountable, and intimacy always seems just out of reach, it can feel like a never-ending cycle. This often leaves both you and your partner feeling misunderstood and distant. Without the ability to work through challenges together, trust remains just out of reach.
An author, speaker and media personality, Adam is a recognized global expert in Attachment Theory. Formerly a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Adam has left his practice to help the world learn the power of secure attachment.
Known for transforming thousands of relationships worldwide, Adam is proving that secure love isn’t about luck – it’s about understanding patterns most never see.
An author, speaker and media personality, Adam is a recognized global expert in Attachment Theory. Formerly a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Adam has left his practice to help the world learn the power of secure attachment.
Known for transforming thousands of relationships worldwide, Adam is proving that secure love isn’t about luck – it’s about understanding patterns most never see.
Adam has an Attachment Bootcamp video course that is so profoundly impactful. If you want to become a better person, a better husband, a better father, a better mother, a better wife, a better partner, a better friend, and if you want to attract those people in your life you need to check out this video course.
The expert himself, Adam Lane Smith, the Attachment Specialist. Adam shares valuable insights on how attachment styles impact your mental, emotional, and physical health.
Adam is masterful at giving us an understanding of why we attach the way we do, what is the sort of foundational pathology of our attachment style, and that we can change it. He really has a beautiful lens on avoidantly attached people.
Adam wrote one of the best threads on Twitter which I've seen this year, our first episode on this ended up being one of my favourite episodes of the year so here we go again with some more uncomfortable psychology insights.
It’s incredible to hear somebody speak who’s so steeped in the research, but also as wonderful of a communicator as you are.
I think you might have the secret missing source for so many people struggling with pornography addiction. I think it is going to bring so much revelation into people's lives.Thank you for pioneering this new concept.
Adam is an expert in attachment theory, psychology, and relationships.
This is definitely one of those interviews I'm going to have to relisten to like three times because of the amount of information you shared and I love that.
You're helping vast numbers of people on account of your own experience, and having looked at a lot of your work, I think there’s some real value there for sure.
We tried Adam Lane Smith's “Marriage Check-In”, and Loved it!! Dealing with criticisms in marriage is not easy, but Adam Lane Smith provides a solution to that problem.
(Adam Lane) Smith’s words are particularly troubling because the rate of male depression is now rising so dramatically. "A one-size-fits-all approach is…[not] going to turn the tide against the suicide epidemic, the drug epidemic, or any other mental-health-based issue currently growing worse,” Smith explains. Because to truly address male suffering, we must first accept the idea that a man’s pain often looks nothing like its female counterpart.
What you're doing is powerful - I've taken some of your advice and implemented it for the betterment of my life from a friendship perspective, a business perspective, and also a romantic perspective.
I cannot recommend him enough his extremely straightforward books “Slaying Your Fear” as a jumping off place to understanding his ideas and this conversation was particularly meaningful for me as we touch on topics that have had a big impact on me, including many that I still struggle with.
By showing his clients how to repair their attachment wounds, Adam teaches people to open up to others, find their voice, receive the love they’ve always wanted, and live without fear.
Adam and his team of certified attachment coaches use a proprietary methodology to target and repair beliefs, behaviors, and patterns impaired by insecure attachment. Together, we help couples repair their relationships, build stable families, and help lonely men and women build lifelong happiness in committed relationships. Unlike traditional therapy modalities, we teach practical skills and design custom relationship systems that help our clients focus on the future, not the past.
Every relationship has a chance and every human is deserving of secure, lasting love.
Adam is an absolutely amazing resource, cannot recommend listening to him enough! He's been tremendously helpful to me.
Thank you! I've been in therapy for a year now. And when I heard that episode i immediately shared it with my closes friends and said "this is about a years worth of therapy in one episode". I've already put into practice your application points. Thank you so much for making this information accessible. I'll be listening to "l wish you knew" as well!
Adam, this is brilliant. So grateful for your perspective...it is somehow both utterly novel and so self- evidently the truth. I have a son who will benefit from your wisdom. Thank you!
So glad your bootcamp help me walk away for good from the narcissist in my life. Even better though, your bootcamp gave me the tools to weed through the bad eggs more easily.
Excited for this! Working 6 sessions with you have been life changing. Monica said I look way happier lol. She's right!
I’ve had 3 therapists and they all wasted my money. It’s just endless talking and then asking “How does that make you feel?” Like I care. Tell me what to do! I was skeptical of hiring a coach. I’m glad I did. The difference was like night and day. Adam wasn’t afraid to just tell me like it is. And he showed me step by step what to do. In 8 sessions we accomplished what 4 years of therapy failed to do. Worth every penny and then some.
As soon as that podcast aired I tried this with my husband & it worked. I had him listen to it as well, and we are slowly attempting to implement things, and it is helping our communication & how we are relating. Work in progress but hopeful
I found you through MindPump and now have been going through a severe deep dive. You've helped me find an epiphany myself today
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Table of Contents Most of the women who come to me love men. That is
Table of Contents A lot of people lie down next to a loyal partner every
Table of Contents When I published the first part of this series, naming the seven